I discovered in soliver571's Xanga that Michael Moore has decided to be a self-righteous jackass once again, and since I haven't torn an idiot apart piece-by-piece in a while, here's me pointing out the obvious stupidity of his claims.

Let me take this son-of-a-bitch's pledge piece by piece.

1) We will always respect you. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

Why would you ever need to call us unpatriotic? Last time I checked, conservatives were not the ones backing the UN's global control agendas, opposing our troops in the field and their objective, calling them idiots and their lives wasted, and keeping them from fighting a war like it was really a war. I only wish more of our side had the cojones to see the folly of the tactics we are using and call a spade a spade. Nor are we the ones more interested in how we treat our enemies than our own, who reject profiling in favor of feel-good but worthless "randomness" as if Old Black Granny or 7 Year Old White Bobby is going to commit a terrorist act on a plane, or persist in pursuing fallacious "Bush Lied" claims despite solid evidence that he as well as many of those Democrats who now decry him were speaking based off the same intel. Whether the evidence was correct or not is the question of any who truly deserve to be called patriotic. Slander is never honorable, nor is it patriotic.

2) We will let you marry whomever you want (even though some among us consider your Republican behavior to be "different" or "immoral"). Who you marry is none of our business. Love, and be in love — it's a wonderful gift.

Every time I hear this argument I am reminded just how stupid it is. Marriage is what it is. Unfortunately, much like the leftist view of the constitution, the left also views words as "how we think they should have been defined" rather than "how they are defined".

3) We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook too, and we will balance it for you.

The problem is, tax-and-spend types like modern Democrats seem to believe that expanding government and raising taxes are something other than "spending our grandchildren's money on our personal whims", and see enriching total strangers in both our own and other countries by robbing our own as valorous. I want less government involvement in my checkbook, not more of it. I admit that tax reductions aside, the Republicans have failed on this front too, but I don't believe for a moment that the Democrats are going to be any better.

4) When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home too. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on some amateur Power Point presentation cooked up by men who have never been to war.

There are many problems with this, but I feel they will illustrate themselves if they succeed in a cut-and-run in Iraq.

5) When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you too will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that afflict you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family too.

Right, because universal health coverage has worked so well elsewhere. Also, considering all the advances have happened in adult, not embryonic, stem cell research, and that we have not outlawed it in the first place, this is a huge red herring.

6) When we clean up our air and water, you too will be able to breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water. When we put an end to global warming, you will no longer have to think about buying oceanfront property in Yuma.

First off, global warming is nothing but a scare tactic, and probably even a natural phenomenon if it's happening at all. Weather has always been cyclic.

Second, if your air and water are filthy (as leftists tend to suppose), perhaps you should have thought twice before moving into a densely populated area like New York City or Los Angeles. The air and water are just fine where I live.

7) Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

Mohammed Atta and his buddies died in 9/11. Finding and taking out the whole of Al Qaeda is a bigger job than it sounds, considering they are decentralized, have cells all over, and operate under the guise of civilians in so many countries that it's near impossible to really make a difference just by catching "him" (whoever "him is; killing bin Laden is not the end of Al Qaeda, and he did not put himself on a plane in the US on that fateful morning). I have yet to see a clear majority of modern Democrats (with obvious rare dissenters like Joe Lieberman and Zell Miller) who had the backbone to follow through on anything of the sort. Democrats are more interested in shutting down any and all programs we have to find these bastards.

8) We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

Right, because much like the attitude of a certain political party from Germany in the first half of the 20th, as long as you convince yourselves they aren't humans, it's fine to kill people. The sad thing is, mentioning that online invokes Godwin's law despite the obvious veracity of the comparison.

9) We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, take up another sport. In the meantime, we will arm the deer to make it a fairer fight.

The second amendment has never, ever been about hunting.

10) When we raise the minimum wage, we will raise it for your employees too. They will use that money to buy more things, which means you will get the money back! And when women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage too.

Because it's fun to put low-wage people out of work by cutting the number of jobs available while creating unemployment at the same time! Whee!

11) We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't practice those beliefs. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God" and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me"). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism — starting here at home.

Picking and choosing religious snippets has always been a pasttime of modern leftists. To be fair, though, if you take things out of context as has been done above, you can prove pretty much anything biblically without being doctrinally accurate. Clinging to what is good and hating what is evil (Romans 12:9) has never been their strong suit. I guess they are distracted by their efforts to rob Peter to pay Paul.

12) We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and break the law. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side first. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.

Moral corruption vs. legal corruption. Six of one, half dozen of the other. Both parties are just as guilty as each other. On both counts.

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Now, as a special bonus for those of you who have stuck around this long, I'll put you off by saying stuff that may not please you.

Bin Laden isn't important. He thinks he is, and as long as you believe he is he will continue to be on a certain PR-style level, but he's not important. He is a figurehead, a spokesmodel, a talking head. He may as well be the terrorist version of Larry King. Taking him out will not hurt al Qaeda, and may even help them recruit in the short term. I am still for taking him out, but he's not a genius and he's not a mastermind.

He is one of potentially thousands of al Qadea leaders. Just as the Japanese emperor was not responsible for each and every new aircraft design Mitsubishi put out in the early forties and early thirties, and Churchill not the man who personally organized the Coastwatchers in the Pacific, there are always people who do the real work and the real planning. A CEO does not code software in most companies, he tells design departments what he wants and they delegate to the nth level. In a way, bin Laden is the most disposable man in that organization. As well as the most potent powder-keg if we kill him, since he will then be seen as a martyr.

Any fool can give an order to underlings to go find a way to blow up the White House or to sneak a dirty bomb into one of our ports. The real danger is the men who come up with the plan and execute that plan. These are the ones that need to be taken out most, and we have succeeded to a certain extent at this domestically.

Next time a leftist bitches that we haven't found/killed bin Laden yet, keep this in mind. Don't try to explain it though, you will only get a headache trying to make them understand.

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